Split by Bodhi Smith

Dec 17, 2021

"split" a brand new impression and blog from me...
 
"as i go on waiting, continuing to search for that deep soulful love i crave and deserve, i know the light will one day find me and split my darkness wide open" ― bodhinku, split
 
"turns out she was just passing through and crossing my path before she split. she was just another faux-dream girl who went 'poof' when my eyes opened and i saw her for who she really was" ― bodhinku, split
 
"all things came from me and all things will return to me. split the timber and there i am. lift a stone and you will discover me there. breathe the air, and you are one with me" ― gautama siddhartha buddha, sayings of buddha  
 
"write what disturbs you, what you fear, what you have not been willing to speak about. be willing to be split open" ― natalie goldberg, writing down the bones
 
"you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
more cute
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
her traveling away from you in her dreams
so what did you want to do love
split her head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if she wants to leave
then let her leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love" ― warsan shire
 
"according to greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. fearing their power, zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves" ― plato, the symposium
 
"sometimes it happens that you become one, in some rare moment. watch the ocean, the tremendous wildness of it, and suddenly you forget your split, your schizophrenia; you relax. or, moving in the himalayas, seeing the virgin snow on the himalayan peaks, suddenly a coolness surrounds you and you need not be false because there is no other human being to be false to. you fall together with nature" ― osho, dang dang doko dang
 
"i feel like i’ve been split open and stuffed with sunshine" ― tahereh mafi, ignite me
 
"and for a moment―for a split second―everything else falls away, the whole pattern and order of my life, and a huge joy crests in my chest. i'm no one, and i owe nothing to anybody, and my life is my own" ― lauren oliver, hana
 
"it‘s complicated. i think when bad things happen—whether someone dies or people argue or split up—you get to a point where it‘s just too hard to go back. there‘s so much lost. so many versions of the truth. so many versions of how things might‘ve turned out differently. we all long for what could have been. for some people, it‘s just easier to move forward and try to forget" ― sarah ockler, fixing delilah
 
here is some music which you might like to hear.. "under the milky way" by sia...this is a beautiful song with very meaningful lyrics to my impression here, it is a softly moody song with a melody that adds a wonderful ambiance as you continue to read the rest of my blog today...it is a delicately beautiful cover of the original 1987 version of the song, "under the milky way" by the church...(just click on any of words in the powder blue links to listen to the any song in this entire blog) 

"sometimes when this place gets kind of empty, the sound of their breath fades with the light. i think about the loveless fascination under the milky way tonight. lower the curtain down in memphis. lower the curtain down all right. i got no time for private consultation, yeah, under the milky way tonight. i wish i knew what you were looking for. i might have known what you would find. and there's something quite peculiar, something that's shimmering and white leads you here despite your destination under the milky way tonight. i wish i knew what you were looking for. i might have known what you would find...i wish i knew what you were looking for, i might have known what you would find under the milky way tonight, under the milky way tonight...the milky way tonight...ohhh, under the milky way tonight..." ― sia, under the milky way (the church cover)
 
"find me under the milky way, soul bare and heart open. let me swim in your spirit past the sentry of time and space that stands in the way and let me love you...pull away the unworthiness etched upon your shores by those too blind to see your value and let me breathe you into the depths of myself in appreciation of all that you are. show me your solitude as i show you mine; all the parts that ache and yearn for more. let me see the facets of you longing to be traced by understanding hands full of reverence. you have the taste of my destiny on your lips and an essence that has swam in my blood since time began; a compass that navigated me wordlessly like a north star back to a safe harbor. you, the home of the soul i longed a lifetime for, the lyrics to a melody i hummed before learning all of your words...wishing only that i could give you my eyes so that you could see your own brilliant unfolding and witness your landscape that has to me become so precious. you, who comprehend the foreign language i speak that fell on deaf ears for an eternity, it’s tongues finally heard fully quenching my parched and misunderstood soil that once stood solitary and barren against the tides...planting 1000 kisses upon your naked heart in worship and in awe of your existence in this universe, i am replete with joy. if a million stars fell from the skies whispering their wishful promises into my open ear, not a single one would i entreat to change a single layer of you. let us stretch our fingers towards eternity together wrapped around dreams and laughter, souls bare and hearts open" ― c. ara campbell, soul bare and heart open
 
"i became split over loving her and wishing her to just split. she started off amazingly, but then just ended up having too many issues and problems for me to be able to deal with, too much excessive emotional baggage, so we agreed to split, and she simply unceremoniously packed up and split for good" ― bodhinku, split
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MEANING
"i'm split between living alone and having a significant other in my life...having a lady to love and wake up in her eyes each morning is sublime. however, it's so much easier being alone, being free of problems created by relationships. but it gets lonely sometimes. i'm quite content to be alone, all i need is the company of my doggie because letting someone into my life always creates unwelcome changes and chaos to my quiet world" ― bodhinku, split
 
the word "split" is defined by merriam webster as: 
1. to break, divide, or cause to separate forcibly into parts, especially into halves
2. to cut-off or end relations and connections in an emotional or working relationship
3. divided or fractured because of opposing views
4. to leave immediately without delay
 
you can see the literal visual meaning of why "split" was chosen as the title of my impression today...it's like the light is splitting the darkness and this tree wide open...the tree is split into two halves. plus, the sky is split into the starry milky way on the left and the glowing evening clouds on the right, which is all split in the middle by the split tree...
 
but split is really a defining word with all its meanings in my life right now...
 
i live a great life. i get to see so many beautiful things and experience magical places on this earth. i get to share these times with people through the lens of my camera...and my doggie, besos, goes along with me on road trips and is absolutely the best companion i could ever have wished for, i'm lucky he chose me, i'm so lucky for his devotion and love...
 
but i'm alone, all alone most of the hours of my days when i'm not in the classroom teaching photography to my students. i'm split over loving my peaceful freedom and solitude without someone hassling me vs. being so damned lonely sometimes that i could cry...it's nice to never have to answer to anyone and do as i please, but it's also nice to be able to cuddle all night and share romantic moments with a lady...
 
"in this time of crisis, he was amazed he was still standing, and really did not need to buy any extra supplies...he had everything he needed, his health, his doggie, his hope...the only thing he was missing was her..." ― bodhinku, the missing supply 
 
i thought i could have both worlds, but seems so far in my life that has not been possible. i know i'm difficult, obstinate, and that i'm set in my ways sometimes, but i've an enormous heart. and i'm willing to share everything i own, everything that is me, heart, mind, and soul...give all my emotional, spiritual and physical love to a lady i adore and cannot live without...but she continues to elude me.
 
thought i met her, but turns out she was just passing through, just crossing my path before she split. she was just another faux-dream girl who went 'poof' when my eyes opened and i really saw her for who she was...  
 
i became split over loving her and wishing her to just split...split between thinking she was the perfect girl and knowing that too many things were just not right...split over wanting her the rest of my life and wanting to just hear her truck driving away forever....split over feeling confident one moment, and belittled and berated the next...smiles, kisses, and hugs would quickly turn to her being hyper critical and then unreasonably mean to me...
 
"feelings for her were split, decided we should split up, so she packed up and split" ― bodhinku, split
 
she started off amazingly, but then just ended up having too many issues and problems for me to be able to deal with, too much drinking, too much excessive emotional baggage, so we agreed to split, and she simply unceremoniously packed up and split for good the other night, leaving as fast as she entered my life....amf, me lady.
 
"after all the hardships we face, always love is still standing there before us, it's people who walk away" ― bodhinku, still standing  
 
in my life overall, i do have regrets. mostly the obvious fact that i've no children. no little minnie me's running around with my dna and attitude...that's truly the price i pay for my free-flowing lifestyle behind the lens of my camera. sometimes my life's so lonely and i get lonesome, but sometimes it's so overwhelmingly magical with all i get to experience with my own eyes, all those moments take my breath away, just no other hopeless romantic to share them with . when it's all said and done, it's always a good life, with every breath i take, but i'm split over just how fulfilling my life is without a special someone to experience it all with.
 
and overall my life is quite pleasant, it's been a beautiful musical melody most of the time, with only occasional noisy feedback interrupting the rhythm and harmony...i love to live, yet i do have regrets, and i do suffer at times (like most everybody else). just as every sweet cherry has a pit to it, my life is a bittersweet symphony...but i would not change a single note in the composition...if i ever write my memoirs into a book, it will be entitled, bittersweet symphony... 
 
and just as the light is splitting the darkness and this tree wide open, i'll go on waiting, continuing to search for that deep soulful love i crave and deserve, because i know the light will one day find me and split my darkness wide open too...
 
"she was a tornado that blew through his life, destroying everything he held dear. but when the skies cleared and she was all gone, he was still standing. he was still breathing and knew he needed his life devastated so he could move on and rebuild his world so much better... " ― bodhinku, still standing
 
this song, from pop chart tune from june of 2001, has a duality message about loving and leaving another person because you just must in your nature...and with its lyrics, it's a perfect accompaniment to connect music with the meaning of my impression and blog today: "split chick" by mandy moore ... (just click on any of the words in the powder blue links to listen to the tune and watch the video) ...

"i can run as fast as the boys. i can sing and dance ballet. i can show you all of my toys, though i'd rather be alone today. it's not that i don't like to hang around with you. and though you're fun, i'm on the run, so much to do. gotta make the dreams i have come true. 'cause life is what you make it and to waste it just won't do...split chick, gotta split, can't stay. that's the way i'm a split chick. thanks a lot. had fun, see you babe. i'm split in two, i'm a split chick...i can hold my breath forever. i can pledge allegiance in the reverse. you know kids can be so clever, it can be a blessing or a curse. when i'm with you, i get lost inside your eyes. i forget about the time and then i realize, gotta run along and sing my song. i'll kiss you and miss you and be back before too long...split chick, gotta split, can't stay. that's the way i'm a split chick. thanks a lot. had fun, see you babe. i'm split in two, i'm a split chick, gotta split, can't stay. that's the way i'm a split chick. thanks a lot, had fun, see you babe. i'm split in two, i'm a split chick, that's right...every flower has to find a way to reach up to the, sun. even though the cracks in the sidewalk. whatever, ahh ahh, sure, gotta make the most of everyday. making friends will help me on my way. i'll rise above the fear i feel. i'm gonna take these dreams and make 'em real...split chick, gotta split, can't stay. that's the way i'm a split chick. thanks a lot. had fun, see you babe. i'm split in two, i'm a split chick...see ya. thanks a lot. had fun, see you babe. split in two, i'm a split chick, split chick, gotta split, can't stay. that's the way i'm a split chick. thanks a lot. had fun, see you babe. i'm split in two, i'm a split chick. i'm split in two, i'm a split chick. split in two, i'm a split chick...i'm outta here, goodbye" ― mandy moore, split chick
 
and this song, a little know alternative song that came out in june of 2021, has a more profound and brutal message to my blog today, and one question of "why" that if i could answer, i might just be a much happier person... "must stop" by onr (honor) featuring sarah barthel of phantogram ... (just click on any of the words in the powder blue links to listen to the tune and watch the video) ...

"i know you read, but never reply. regrettably, i have to run and cut my ties 'cause i must stop falling in love. stop falling in love with every girl who fucks me. i must stop falling in love. stop falling in love with every girl who fucks me up...classy conversation based on what a shit you've been, come sit with me (yeah). i'll believe when you'll be leaving. i must stop falling in love. stop falling in love with every boy who fucks me. i must stop falling in love. stop falling in love with every boy who fucks me up...for seven years (stop falling in love), i've had the same old dream (stop falling in love): my teeth fall out, i looked it up (stop falling in love), apparently (yeah) it's a sign i'm growing up. and so i must stop falling in love. stop falling in love with everyone who fucks me. imust stop falling in love. stop falling in love with everyone who fucks me up, who fucks me up...it's almost worth it. i must stop falling in love. stop falling in love with everyone who fucks me. i must stop falling in love. stop falling in love with everyone who fucks me up. i must stop falling in love, stop falling in love with everyone who fucks me up. i must stop falling in love, stop falling in love with everyone who fucks me up..." ― onr (with sarah barthel of phantogram), must stop
 
"when you cannot have exactly want you want, be happy with what you have, focus on the positive instead of what is not possible right now...persevere with hope and continue to dream, believe that one day you will finally have that which you have always wanted" ― bodhinku, persevere
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STORY BEHIND THIS IMPRESSION
"i'm still me, that's my only problem, but that's also my biggest gift (that i'm still me)" ― bodhinku, i'm still me 
 
pictured here is a split tree under the night sky and milky way in the middle of a young wheat field on the plains of the palouse near colfax in eastern washington state...
 
this spot holds a split meaning for me as well...its such a beautiful place to spend a day and a night, so quiet, serene, beautiful, and calming, in the summer during the day, and just so silent, cool, peaceful and gorgeous under the milky way and the canopy of stars and clouds at night
 
i had been driving most of the previous couple days in order to get up to washington state from san diego so that i could shoot a perfect alignment of the stars at a private winery near yakima, and i was up most of the day and night shooting there as a result...but i still wanted to get some stars over the palouse in eastern washington, so i drove from yakima to the palouse falls to scout it out. i was extremely tired, and should not have been driving, but i was focused on getting to all the places i wished to shoot while the weather was so perfect for the images i had envisioned in my mind (with this picture today being one of them)...
 
i decided that i could not get an original shot of the palouse falls, so opted to just proceed to my next location, this tree you see pictured here...so i got some stuff out of my luggage and cooler that were on my trailer hitch rack, but i had to unlock it all first...and for some reason, most likely the fact i was exhausted from so little sleep over the course of three days, i did something i know never to do: i put my keys (which are attached to my wallet) on the roof of my jeep grand cherokee as i was situating thing inside the back doors...
 
you should never put anything on your roof, never put packages, drinks, pillows, or anything on the roof, especially your wallet, because you might forget they are up there and drive away...
 
normally, you would need your car keys to start your car. so if you left them on the roof of your vehicle, you would not be able to start the engine and drive away...however, the new jeep grand cherokees use a key fob which only needs to be inside the vehicle's perimeter for the engine to start and run...anywhere inside the vehicle. 
 
since i have a dual pane glass sunroof that pretty much covers the entire roof of the grand cherokee, with the keys and my wallet attached to them sitting on the glass, the vehicle still sensed them as being inside the vehicle, when they were actually on the outside. the grand cherokee started and i drove away, oblivious to the fact i had left my keys with my wallet attached on top of my roof...
 
looking back, i faintly remember hearing a sound of something falling off my roof while i was driving out of the palouse falls area on the dirt road...at the time, i figured it was just a rock that flew up and hit the roof...i thought nothing of it and continued to drove another 90 miles to get to the tree you see pictured here. i pulled up to the end of the remote dirt road that led me to this spot, and i shut off my vehicle...
 
immediately, the dashboard gave me the message that no key fob was detected...and my heart sank, and panic set in fast...
 
i searched throughout the vehicle, taking everything out, hoping that the key fob fell into so hole where the vehicle could not detect it, or maybe the battery died (i have extra batteries in my jeep...but no keys, no wallet...the severity of my situation started to settle in...i was in a remote area, had little to no cell phone coverage, lost my wallet with $400, my drivers license, all my credit cards, my costco card, my aaa card, my health insurance card, plus a blank check, all of my keys to the house, storage, locks, all gone...
 
i tried to think positive and find things that could help me...i had my health and my wits, i had all my camera gear, a cooler full of food and water (enough for a few days for both me and besos, and thankfully i had my passport and the extra $3000 i keep in my camera bag for emergencies. i had my cell phone with all of my bank info, and digital wallet...plus i had my exact gps position, and i had some cell phone coverage, it was spotty and came and went, but i could get a call out to someone with my gps location...
 
i had a brief few moments of coverage, so i called my ex wife, the only person i knew who would answer a call immediately...told her my location and then what had happened to me and asked her to contact any local authorities in nearby colfax, wa that could assist me in getting a tow truck to my location...
 
it was a sheriff deputy who eventually showed up about 3 hours later. a super nice fellow who radioed a tow truck for me to take me down to pullman to the jeep dealership there so that i could have a new key fob programmed for my grand cherokee...my ex wife had called them to make sure they had a key fob in stock (and they did)...the deputy stayed with me for awhile, and we talked about photography and locations i should seek out, and then he left. 
 
the tow truck the deputy had arrange for me arrived about one hour later, it was a standard tow-behind tow truck. so he started hooking me up to tow me out. he said that i needed to take the trailer rack off the hitch so that he could connect me...oh shit, the key to unlock to hitch was on my wallet too, and i had no spare in my vehicle...
 
the driver was pissed, because he had to drive over an hour out of the way to get to me, and he could not tow me, so he would be getting no money for his efforts...i offered to pay for his gas to get to me, and he accepted $20, and said he would radio another tow truck service he knew to bring a flatbed tow-truck to help me...he left, and i had no clue when or even if another tow truck would come to help me, he left me no information and no phone number...
 
i waited another 3 hours, and at 4pm another tow truck showed up...he got my grand cherokee onto the flatbed, and me and besos in the cab with him, and we drove off to pullman, wa about 45mins away...he reported the pick-up in such a way as my aaa membership would cover the cost of the entire tow distance (and for the favor, i tipped him $100 because he did not have to do that for me...and being i was stranded way off down a dirt road a few miles, aaa would not have covered that part and it (falls under unimproved roads) and would have cost me quite a bit out of pocket, probably at least $200 if not more...
 
got to the dealership at 5:15pm, but they were already closed and locked up for the night...and since i could not lock up my vehicle, or carry everything and walk besos to a nearby motel, i had to sleep for the night in the parking lot at the dealership in the back of my grand cherokee...
 
next day, they were able to get the new key fob programmed to my vehicle, so i could drive away on my path eastward to the midwest and then new england for a few weeks...costs for the key fob were $280 for the part, plus $60 for programming it, plus $40 for labor...
 
so i lost $400 in my wallet, plus the $120 towing expenses, plus $50 to have all new keys made, plus the $380 for the new key fob...total monetary loss for leaving my keys on the roof = $950, ouch...plus all the time and hassle of having all my credit cards canceled and replaced, a new driver's license sent to me, new aaa card, new medical card, new costco card...
 
btw, to this day, my wallet was never reported as being found...i think someone got it and kept the money and knew not to try to use the credit cards, and they just threw it all in the trash...
 
but for my entire ordeal, i got to spend a lot of unplanned time at this location, and despite the causes of my being unwillingly stuck at this spot, something profoundly beautiful happened to me and my life, and this picture is one of the rewards of my little stopover here, hope you enjoy it...
 
this is an alternative new wave song from the 1997, one of my favorite tunes from the 90s. i love its iconic symphonic lead-in to the lyrics, so harmonically perfect that it speaks to you in its own voice without any words and sets up the meaning of the tune before the first word is spoken... and given its lyrics about how life is up and down and as we try to change with it, in the end we are just who we are...it's another perfect accompaniment to connect music with the meaning of my impression and blog today: "bittersweet symphony" by the verve ... this song was highlighted so wonderfully in the movie, cruel intentions (an up-to-date remake of the acclaimed drama, dangerous liaisons) ending on the movie "cruel intentions" with "bittersweet symphony" by the verve ... (just click on any of the words in the blue links to listen to the musical selection)....

"cause it's a bittersweet symphony, that's life. tryna make ends meet, you're a slave to money then you die. i'll take you down the only road i've ever been down. you know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet, yeah...no change, i can change, i can change, i can change. but i'm here in my mold. i am here in my mold. but i'm a million different people from one day to the next. i can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no...(have you ever been down?)... well, i've never prayed but tonight i'm on my knees, yeah. i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah. i let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, i feel free now but the airwaves are clean and there's nobody singing to me now...no change, i can change, i can change, i can change. but i'm here in my mold. i am here in my mold and i'm a million different people from one day to the next. i can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no (have you ever been down?). i can't change, oh, no. i can't change, oh... cause it's a bittersweet symphony, that's life. tryna make ends meet, you're a slave to money then you die. i'll take you down the only road i've ever been down. you know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet, yeah... no change, i can change, i can change, i can change. but i'm here in my mold. i am here in my mold. but i'm a million different people from one day to the next. i can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no .i can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no. i can't change my mold, no, no, no, no. it's just sex and violence, melody and silence, (it's just sex and violence, melody and silence). i'll take you down the only road i've ever been down (i'll take you down the only road I've ever been down)...been down, ever been down, ever been down, ever been down, ever been down. have you ever been down? have you ever been down? have you ever been down?" ― the verve, bittersweet symphony
 
"bittersweet is the defining word of my life...i live a great life. i get to see so many beautiful things and experience magical places on this earth. i get to share these times with people through the lens of my camera...but i do have regrets" ― bodhinku, bittersweet symphony  
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MORE BODHIKU QUOTES
and now here are a few more quotes from bodhinku from past blogs to help add to the deeper meaning of this blog today...
 
"he's a tree, grounded to the earth, yet reaching for the sky. but he loses hope at times. his faith has been shaken to his roots. he tries to believe in something more and sometimes it’s hard. but he's sifting through the fallen leaves, working through the lessons and crafting new beliefs with his own fingers. he has been struck by lightning and burned to his core. he has been split in two by love and suffered the aftershocks....he's a dancer. and even without a partner, he'll continue to dance and thrive, but it can take time. he needs someone who can meet him equally in the bedroom. he’s not looking to dampen down his desires and swallow his fantasies. he wants someone to dance with him in the fires of ecstasy. he’s looking for a passionate, soul deep sacred union, not just a disconnected quick-fix one-and-done dance...he’s deep, dark and layered. within him beats a kind heart of gold, glowing with love and hope. but with feelings just as deep, he can spend a lot of time dancing with his shadows and moving through the darkness. there are lessons for him here, between the light and the abyss...he does want to be deeply loved, cherished, and adored, but he may have given up on that dream a long time ago. this doesn’t mean he wants to be solitary forever, but it means that the bar is raised higher on who he'll let dance with his sacred soul and be embraced by the powerful beauty of his love. for his heart is worth it. his love is a once-in-a-lifetime, out of this world, rare and mystical dance to behold and be enfolded by. his heart and his love is one of the most courageous, beautiful, passionate and powerful things you will ever encounter on this planet. true, his dance is not for the faint of heart, but this dance is worth it. he will make every single step and movement count, every moment, every heartbeat, always, this i promise you" ― c. ara campbell (with modifications by bodhinku)
 
"overall my life's quite pleasant, it's been a beautiful musical melody most of the time, with only occasional noisy feedback interrupting the rhythm and harmony...i love to live, yet i do have regrets, and i do suffer at times (like most everybody else). just as every sweet cherry has a pit to it, my life is a bittersweet symphony...but i would not change a single note in the composition" ― bodhinku, bittersweet symphony
 
"chocolate is most everyone's favorite sweet. so smooth. tasty. it's the truest comfort food for so many. addictive bliss on the taste-buds. but it does have a bitter aftertaste. it's literally bittersweet. still regardless, people just keep taking another bite for its velvety sweetness and pay the bitter no mind....if only people would treat life in this same manner..." ― bodhinku, chocolate (for my auntie irene)
 
"embracing life's turbulences is easy as acknowledging that you're still standing after it's all said and done, still able to breath and take that next breath and enjoy life, still able to continue to make every moment count" ― bodhinku, still standing
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MORE QUOTES FOR EXTRA MEANING
and here is one of my favorite rock ballads from the glam-bands of the late 1980's....i absolutely love the lyrics about love and regret, and how wonderfully bret michaels sings them to the melodic and crying guitars of poison in the background...a beautiful bittersweet tune if ever a song was written "every rose has its thorn" by poison ... (just click on any of words in the blue links to listen to the musical selection) ...

"we both lie silently still in the dead of the night. although we both lie close together, we feel miles apart inside. was it something i said, or something i did? did the words not come out right? though i tried not to hurt you, though i tried...but i guess that's why they say every rose has its thorn, just like every night has its dawn. just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song, every rose has its thorn. yeah it does...i listen to our favorite song playing on the radio. hear the deejay say loves a game of easy come and easy go. but i wonder, does he know? has he ever felt like this? and i know that you'd be here right now if i could have let you know somehow...i guess, every rose has its thorn, just like every night has its dawn. just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song, every rose has its thorn...though it's been a while now, i can still feel so much pain. like a knife that cuts you, the wound heals, but the scar, that scar remains...i know i could have saved our love that night if i'd known what to say. instead of makin' love, we both made our separate ways. and now i hear you found somebody new. and that i never meant that much to you. but to hear that tears me up inside, and to see you cuts me like a knife... i guess every rose has its thorn, just like every night has its dawn. just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song, every rose has its thorn" ― poison, every rose has its thorn 
 
"faith must be based not on the dead scriptures, but on living facts, that one must turn over not the guilt pages of the holy writ, but read between the lines in the holy pages of daily life, that enlightened life must be lived not by word of mouth, but by actual deed and work, and that one must split open" ― gautama siddhartha buddha, sayings of buddha   
 
"my whole love and respect is for the person who accepts themself totally, as they are. they have courage. they have courage to face the whole pressure of the society which is bent upon splitting them into divisions—into good and bad, into saint and sinner. they are really a brave, courageous being who stands against the whole history of humankind, of morality, and declares to the skies their reality, whatever it is" ― osho, the hidden splendor 
 
"it only takes a split second to smile and forget, yet to someone that needed it, it can last a lifetime" ― steve maraboli, life the truth and being free
 
"when you develop an infatuation for someone you always find a reason to believe that this is exactly the person for you. it doesn’t need to be a good reason. taking photographs of the night sky, for example. now, in the long run, that’s just the kind of dumb, irritating habit that would cause you to split up. but in the haze of infatuation, it’s just what you’ve been searching for all these years" ― alex garland,the beach
 
"i have always, essentially, been waiting. waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person i always thought i was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life i thought i would have. in my head, i was always one step away. in high school, i was biding my time until i could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly. in college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized. then the married person, then the person i’d become when we have kids. for twenty years, literally, i have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin....and through all that waiting, here i am. my life is passing, day by day, and i am waiting for it to start. i am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin....i love movies about “the big moment.” the game or the performance or the wedding day or the record deal, the stories that split time with that key event, and everything is reframed, before it and after it, because it has changed everything. i have always wanted this movie-worthy event, something that will change everything and grab me out of this waiting game into the whirlwind in front of me. i cry and cry at these movies, because i am still waiting for my own big moment. i had visions of life as an adventure, a thing to be celebrated and experienced, but all i was doing was going to work and coming home, and that wasn’t what it looked like in the movies....john Lennon once said, "life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans..." for me, life is what was happening while i was busy waiting for my big moment. i was ready for it and believed that the rest of my life would fade into the background, and that my big moment would carry me through life like a lifeboat....the big moment, unfortunately, is an urban myth. some people have them, in a sense, when they win the heisman or become the next american idol. but even that football player or that singer is living a life made up of more than that one moment. life is a collection of a million, billion moments, tiny little moments and choices, like a handful of luminous, glowing pearl. it takes so much time, and so much work, and those beads and moments are so small, and so much less fabulous and dramatic than the movies....but this is what i’m finding, in glimpses and flashes: this is it. this is it, in the best possible way. that thing i’m waiting for, that adventure, that move-score-worthy experience unfolding gracefully. this is it, daily life ticking by on our streets and sidewalks, in our houses and apartments, in our beds and at our dinner tables, in our dreams and prayers and fights and secrets...this pedestrian life is the most precious thing any of use will ever experience" ― shauna niequist, cold tangerines
 
"how many times have you tried to talk to someone about something that matters to you, tried to get them to see it the way you do? and how many of those times have ended with you feeling bitter, resenting them for making you feel like your pain doesn't have any substance after all?...like when you've split up with someone, and you try to communicate the way you feel, because you need to say the words, need to feel that somebody understands just how pissed off and frightened you feel. the problem is, they never do. "plenty more fish in the sea," they'll say, or "you're better off without them," or "do you want some of these potato chips?" they never really understand, because they haven't been there, every day, every hour. they don't know the way things have been, the way that it's made you, the way it has structured your world. they'll never realize that someone who makes you feel bad may be the person you need most in the world. they don't understand the history, the background, don't know the pillars of memory that hold you up. ultimately, they don't know you well enough, and they never can. everyone's alone in their world, because everybody's life is different. you can send people letters, and show them photos, but they can never come to visit where you live...unless you love them. and then they can burn it down" ― michael marshall smith, only forward
 
"in one split second i saw everything i could be, everything i want to be. and all that i’m not" ― judy nelson, i'll give you the sun
 
"once upon a time, an angel and a devil held a wishbone between them. and its snap split the world in two" ― laini taylor, days of blood & starlight
 
"there’s nothing rebellious about loving something that can’t love you. you’re a man, you should have known that women would split you in half searching for their fathers in between your legs" ― warsan shire
 
"i am not a sunday morning inside four walls
with clean blood
and organized drawers.
i am the hurricane setting fire to the forests
at night when no one else is alive
or awake
however you choose to see it
and i live in my own flames
sometimes burning too bright and too wild
to make things last
or handle
myself or anyone else
and so i run.
run run run
far and wide
until my bones ache and lungs split
and it feels good.
hear that people? it feels good
because i am the slave and ruler of my own body
and i wish to do with it exactly as i please" ― charlotte eriksson, you're doing just fine
 
"these days i just can't seem to say what i mean...i just can't. every time i try to say something, it misses the point. either that or i end up saying the opposite of what i mean. the more i try to get it right, the more mixed up it gets. sometimes i can't even remember what i was trying to say in the first place. it's like my body's split in two and one of me is chasing the other me around a big pillar. we're running circles around it. the other me has the right words, but i can never catch him" ― haruki murakami, blind willow
 
"sometimes i feel as though there are two me's, one coasting directly on top of the other: the superficial me, who nods when he's supposed to nod and says what he's supposed to say, and some other, deeper part, the part that worries and dreams...most of the time, they move along in sync and i hardly notice the split, but sometimes it feels as though i'm two whole different people and i could rip apart at any second" ― lauren oliver, delirium
 
"such silence has an actual sound, the sound of disappearance" ― suzanne finnamore, split: a memoir of divorce
 
"he left a bit too easily and with obvious relief. his feet were swift and sure on the muddy path" ― suzanne finnamore, split: a memoir of divorce
 
"what would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? the world would split open" ― muriel rukeyser
 
"a heart weighs more when it splits in two; it crashes in the chest like a broken plane" ― mitch albom, the time keeper
 
"you can’t re-create the first time you promise to love someone or the first time you feel loved by another. you cannot relive the sensation of fear, admiration, self-­consciousness, passion, and desire all mixed into one because it never happens twice. you chase it like the first high for the rest of your life. it doesn’t mean you can’t love another or move on; it just means that the one spontaneous moment, the split second that you took the leap, when your heart was racing and your mind was muddled with what ifs?—that moment—will never happen the same way again. it will never feel as intense as the first time. at least, that’s the way i remember it. that’s why my mother always said we memorialize our past. everything seems better in a memory" ― renee carlino, before we were strangers
 
"our sweetest songs are those of saddest thought" ― percy bysshe shelley, the complete poems
 
"when i desire you
a part of me
is gone" ― anne carson, eros the bittersweet
 
"i'm thinking of how unexpected and yet oddly preordained life can be. events are upon you in an instant, unforeseen and without warning, and often times marked with disappointment and tragedy, but equally often leading to a better understanding of the real truth of life" ― rob lowe, stories i only tell my friends
 
"sometimes when this place gets kind of empty, the sound of their breath fades with the light. i think about the loveless fascination under the milky way tonight..." ― sia, under the milky way (the church cover) 
 
"i want that love that moved the mountains. i want that love that split the ocean. i want that love that made the winds tremble. i want that love that roared like thunder. i want that love that lifts us to ecstasy. i want that love that is the silence of eternity." ― jalaluddin rumi, poems of ecstasy and longing
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ABOUT THE IMPRESSION
"let her be. let her be in heart, spirit, and body. let her be free. and let everything be love" ― bodhinku, let it be love  
 
this impression was captured at the end of a remote dirt road in the rolling hills of the palouse farmlands in western washington state on a windless morning about a half hour before the sunrise at 4:44am on june 8th, 2021...this composition is comprised of two separate exposures taken on the palouse...one long exposure of the tree surrounded by young wheat and chick-peas (f/11@24mm for 111 secs, iso-64)... merged with a semi-long stars/milky way exposure (f'/1.4@24mm for 13secs, iso-1600)... 
 
in my photography, i always use filters to create longer exposure effects, saturate colors naturally, and balance the light in my composition in-camera...i often use as many as four filters at time, and i always use at least one filter in my completed impressions...
 
to get the effects and balance i was looking for in the tree/young wheat field exposure of this composition (f/11@24mm for 111 secs, iso-64), i used two progreyusa filters  along with the progrey g-120z magnetic holder to secure these filters to my nikon d850 with a nikon nikkor 24mm f/1.4 prime lens ...
 
first, a 3.0 nd progrey antarctica filter to bring the light in the image down 10 stops and permit for the long 1 minute and 51 second exposure which naturally saturates all the red, green, and blue (rgb) colors in the image (i would not have been able to use this long exposure and filter if the wind was blowing, because the wheat in the image would be blurred severely)...
 
combined with the second filter, a 0.9 gnd progrey aurora filter to help balance in-camera overall the image the way i envisioned it...in this case, to stop down the much brighter light in the sky, the pre-dawn light, an extra three stops and help permit details in the shadows of the split tree and in the lower parts of the image in the young wheat in the foreground to come out better in the exposure... 
 
for the separate exposure of the stars (f/1.4@24mm for 13secs, iso-1600), i used the same exact set up with my nikon d850 and a nikon nikkor 24mm f/1.4 prime lens because this permitted me to be able to merge the two separate exposure together seamlessly using layers in adobe photoshop cc...however, no filters were necessary in the star exposure, so none were used...
 
i wish to openly thank my sponsors who have always supported me through both the good and bad times...for truly this long exposure impression would not be possible without the use of my induro phq3 series 5-way panhead with tripod, in combination with the progreyusa filters which i use with every photo i take...
 
"if nothing else...if i open my eyes, if i cry, if i think, if i sigh, if i giggle, if i dance, if i love, if i breathe, then i have lived a full days worth of life...nothing is wasted, nothing" ― bodhinku, if nothing else
 
"i do not want you to just be into my photography, instead, i'd much rather you take a journey into my pictures, and feel the impression i have created, feel it with all your senses" ― bodhinku, into my photography
 
"contemplate without thinking. be certain only in your uncertainty. stop the world. slow down everything. let it all be. shut off the noise. relax. seize this moment. reconnect. feel and sense what surrounds you. listen to all the colors of light whisper as they envelope you. see the melody and harmony that float about unnoticed. taste the solitude of all this wonderment. smell the beautiful silence. now discover your peaceful serenity. then, reach out and touch your faith with all your senses. this is my world. awaken!" ― bodhinku, my world
 
"my photography is my way of keeping a diary" ― bodhinku, my diary  
 
i leave you today wishing that bright joy 
and spiritual peace fill your life...
imploring you to make every moment count, 
no matter what, always and forever, 
for that is the only thing that truly matters...    
 
and above all else,
i hope this message and impression find you well.
 
namaste,
bodhi
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