"this old ponderosa pine clinging to a red-rock cliff in zion national park under the milky way and stars leaves me almost speechless searching for words...a tree of inspiration, so beautiful and powerful, so perfect in all its imperfections..." ― bodhinku, speechless
the english word "speechless" is defined by merriam-webster as:
1. unable to speak, especially as a temporary result of shock or some strong emotion.
2. unable to be expressed in words.
i'm this tree, only instead living in socal and not utah. i'm twisted and broken, yet beautiful in my own way...
in our moment of truth, as we bare all in front of the universe, and give witness to who we truly are, it's really our imperfections that give us strength and makes us beautiful...
our imperfections make us unique, and are often the best reason for why we are the individuals we are. i embrace everything that is not perfect about me. i know it's all my imperfections that make me who i am, albeit a weird soul, i'm thankfully different from everybody else...and i'm thankful my loved ones love me for the weirdo i am...
like i alluded to above, i empathize and identify with this tree...this old twisted ponderosa tree has been distorted by the persistent elements of mother nature and relentless wear and tear of father time...but in its moments to survive and weather life's changes, it continues to magically cling and hang on to the side of a cliff against all odds...giving inspiration in its perseverance to continue to fight for its right to exist, despite the overwhelming odds stacked against it...
and this tree might look broken or deformed in the eyes of some people, but i see it's those very traits that are the source of beauty and a wealth of inspiration...
too me, this tree is so breathtakingly beautiful, i'm left speechless...sending the message of the empowering realization that life is lived to its fullest when we embrace the simplicity of being imperfectly perfect, forgetting all we are lacking, being content to just be completely incomplete...loving ourselves for who we are, not where we are or who we are in other people's eyes...
and my life is filled with these moments where i get to see such beautiful wonders in nature. i get to truly experience these wonderful moments in time, and my life is good, really good. when i reflect back on things, i see myself as lucky, and fortunate for all that i have, and all get to do and all get to see...
if someone asks me how i'm right now, i always say: "my only problem is that i'm still me, but my biggest blessing is that i'm still me"...
each morning i meditate before i start my day...i breathe in, and breathe out. breathe in, breathe out. breathe in, breathe out...a wise person once reminded me that life is not measured by the breaths that you take, but by the moments that take your breath away...a moment in time can mean a lifetime.
looking into the mirror each morning, you need to be happy with what reflects back. happy with your glow, no matter how bright or dim. happy for all those lines from smiles and frowns, happy with the sparkle in your eyes along with the tears they shed, happy with all the reflections of your life, for better or worse...happy for that special moment in time that makes you feel alive. hoping that with your next breath, the moment will take your breath away...
i'm happy with myself, but i've always craved being happier by being able to share myself with someone who wants to share themselves with me, and share this life i have chosen as a photographer and an adventurer...for although these moments i've experienced over the past few years are so beautiful and perfect, i'm greedy, i want more moments, those moments shared with someone whom you deeply love to the core of your soul...
so, i hoped, and i dreamed, and i sighed, and i never stopped believing, but all to no avail. i remained true to myself and resigned to just be happy with my chosen path of solitude, being alone, content with the life i had, travelling the world with my doggie, off on an adventure on a cliff's edge in the mountains, or deep in the forest, or along a deserted beach in the morning's fog...
but sometimes, that all just fell so awfully short of what it could be, i was always longing and hoping for the fairytale to touch my life and take it to another level of happiness, but one sunrise after another, i'd wake up by myself...still i believed in her, i continued to hang on and wish...
and although, i'm still all alone at sunrise and again at sunset, a solitary recluse clinging to my own cliff like the tree in my photo, hanging by a moment out under the milky way, believing in serendipity, hoping for a soulmate...yet, knowing beyond hope that something so beautiful will come out of all the loneliness...luck or fate matters not, our paths will connect, she'll find me and i'll finally find her...
that day in the future when she enters my heart and leaves me speechless, breathless. and once again, the simple act of breathing takes my breath away...i'm so glad i'm alive, blessed to be lucky to have all i could ever want, wanting and needing nothing except what i have...
"happiness is not having what you want. it's wanting what you have" ― rabbi hyman schachtel
this image, "speechless" is dedicated to my beloved who is out there somewhere reading my thoughts...as many of you know, i'm a man of many words, often talking too much...but she leaves me speechless, so happy to be at a loss for words. i could not be more in love with her though i've yet to meet her...to add to that, out of the blue in my dream this morning right before i awakened , she told me that her favorite color was me, i'm left speechless again, feeling just so utterly loved by her, i'm forever saved...now if she can just find her way to me in reality...
so that with just the sight of her, i'm left speechless. so beautiful. i've no words, but she hears me. each time i blink my eyes, she knows...i'm two inches away and staring into her eyes. i see light years of love staring back into me. she knows me without knowing me. my eyes fill with all her glow. i'm breathless. i'm speechless. i'm all hers. i'm home...one day soon i this will be my reality, i know it, just as i know her...
all those nights looking at her up in the stars. all those lucid nights of holding on to her in my dreams. all those blogs and books i wrote talking about her, pleading for her to find me. knowing her without meeting her yet. hoping beyond hope she was out there, believing with clear certainty that she existed...and though she still is not holding my hand yet as i type these words, i never stop believing. always having faith we will finally meet and love will be just an afterthought...and it will all come true, she's living inside my heart...
so, if you're all alone and lonely, or were previously burned by a false hope filled with lies, don't stop believing that your twin flame is out there somewhere...don't ever stop believing...all my faith, hope, beliefs, and dreams will intersect all at once one day. and i will finally see, for there she'll be, here with me...i will feel that i'm lucky. i'm loved. i'm in love. i'm at peace. i'm sated. i'm speechless...
"now i'm so famished, but not for food, so hungry for her...she's my nourishment...i'm craving all her soothing pleasures, touches, tingles, wet and warm, soft and sensual...flavors of heaven, tastes of erotica, aromas so sweet, singing me speechless...she's ambrosia filling all my senses, she sates all my desires, and recharges my being" ― bodhinku, speechless
"so many years, no electricity
walking this path laid by fate
believing in serendipity;
hoping for a soulmate
haunted by your spirit
from another time and place;
but i knew not to fear it,
for one day we'd embrace.
then out of nowhere you appear!
dreams become reality;
restoring a faith so dear
in higher spirituality...
for when i see your face,
i truly already know:
your eyes are my grace,