there's been a deep underlying message in all my blogs for the past few months...an undercurrent in my psyche, and one that was the stream of thought in most of those weekly blogs...i was pleading to her, though i had not met her yet. pleading to meet her, though i already knew her. hoping beyond hope and i did not stop believing she was real and was looking for me, feeling the same way i was, on a divergent path to discover me...
in the labour day blog of "togetherness" back in september, these were my words:
"i'm all alone yet still together with a lady who is out there somewhere. we've yet to cross paths in this world, but i know she is real. her and i think alike and are looking for the same things together. i feel her in my heart, and my soul desperately longs to connect with hers. she lives each of her life's moments fully and looks past none of them. she's artistic and free. her spirit dances with the milky way each night. she hopes, she dreams. she loves. she feels the same way about me and breathes my name into her lungs, though she has not met me in this life yet. she longs to be together with me one day...she exists, i just need to look into her eyes anew and know that i've always known her...i hope one day comes soon, that one day when our eyes connect deeply with each other and she asks me: fly away with me, and let's never look back, and i respond to her: of course, if you are a bird, i 'm a bird...and we take off and fly together to a happily ever after of togetherness...i know she's out there somewhere, these words are for her: i know you exist. i know you are walking this planet somewhere looking for me too, and one day we will meet, and we will share countless breathless moments of 'oh my god' together"... i can't wait until i finally find her, and she finds me and says, 'oh it's you!'. and we can transform into the feathers covering each others wings and fly away into our colorful sunset together...that's our life's treasure, better together...and when her and i finally reconnect together only knowing one thing, that something of this certainty comes but once in a lifetime, we will dance and laugh and play together under the stars, and sing this song together without the need for words all night long"
sigh...alas, she is still not here, but i never relinquish hope, eternal faith in her. one day she will arrived. i know with deep faith that day will come, i've deep hope in her finally finding me, and she will finally i know with certainty. and as soon as i see her, that first look will be all it took. one look and love will fill my body with such a powerful energy. an energy that brings the long lost smile back to my face, and fills my heart with happiness unimaginable. a peaceful calming rush of pure love, that was eternally there inside me, but needed her to make it flow completely...
a feeling such as this cannot be explained or described, it can only be felt. it can only be known. and if you feel it now, and know its energy pulsing through your body, you are one of the lucky ones. and i desperately want to know how that feeling feels...a life full of kisses, and holding hands, and giggles, and smiles, and words without speaking, the first thing every morning and the last thing every night...
it's quite beautiful how one word can mean so much, be so full of deep meaning..."eternal" is defined by merriam-webster as: lasting or existing forever; without end or beginning...imagine a love with no beginning or end. imagine a love existing forever. imaging a love without the constraints of time--no hours, days, or years. just a love that's always there, one that has always been there and always will be. a love eternal...
i need to continue to imagine such a love exists for me one day. i'll never stop believing in her. i know she exists. for she is here now. and though i cannot see or touch her, she is always here. i carry her in my heart eternally. i long for the day when i can say she's my last first kiss. and each morning she's the first beautiful sight i see, and every night she's the last glowing light before my eyes close. she is my all day, my all night. she is my eternal love...sigh
++(((this favourite poem of mine goes to dream lady, who's out there somewhere, directly from my heart to hers)))++
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) " ― e. e. cummings
this beautiful love song is from the disney animated film entitled tangled released in 2010, listen to the words, and if you feel the same way about someone in your life right now, tears of happiness will come to your eyes...and with these romantic love-filled lyrics, it is the perfect accompaniment to connect music with the meaning of my impression today...and you must watch this video, it is just so breathtakingly beautiful, so perfectly animated and filled with the glowing light of love: "i see the light" by mandy moore ... (just click on any of the words in the blue links to listen to the musical selection)....
"all those days watching from the windows. all those years outside looking in. all that time never even knowing just how blind i've been. now i'm here blinking in the starlight. now i'm here, suddenly i see. standing here it's all so clear, i'm where i'm meant to be. and at last i see the light. and it's like the fog has lifted. and at last i see the light. and it's like the sky is new and it's warm and real and bright. and the world has somehow shifted. all at once everything looks different, now that i see YOU...all those days chasing down a daydream. all those years living in a blur. all that time never truly seeing things, the way they were. now she's here shining in the starlight. now she's here suddenly i know if she's here it's crystal clear. i'm where i'm meant to go. and at last i see the light. and it's like the fog has lifted. and at last i see the light. and it's like the sky is new and it's warm and real and bright. and the world has somehow shifted. all at once everything is different, now that i see you. now that i see you" ― mandy moore, i see the light
"i sing the sweetest song
i shout out your name
with or without
you around me
nothing is the same
and you and i are to blame
sweet melody of our soul
i scream for you
i want more
it's you that i adore.
my bird with the brightest feather
our world is floating
it's our belief
when we're together
we're like a river
we're wild and free
i believe our home is full of magic
our world is like it is meant to be.
let's sing our song
not for a moment
but for sweet eternity" ― bodhinku, eternity