it's december now, and the end of the year is a time to reflect and look back, as well as look forward. so many people enjoy this time of year with that special someone, their families, their children. it s a time of loving, and caring, and embracing in moments of reflections sharing good times and bad times together (like the issues with covid19 this year), and supporting each other through thick and thin no matter what...giving and receiving thanks for all the simple things and precious moments lived with each other, while hoping to have more moments together in the upcoming year.
however, this time of year is also so tough on many people, its a time seen socially as family time, and everyone with families think everyone else should be happy like they are. they find it find it hard to understand how anyone could possibly be unhappy during such a festive time of the year. but many people do not have families, or a special someone, or children. many people have lost their loved ones and this time of year becomes even more difficult when they find themselves left out and alone. you see, some of us are not as fortunate, and are pretty much all alone during the holidays.
for me, being all alone is by choice. but it still does not make it any easier this time of year knowing i can justify to myself that i'm all alone because of my decisions...bottom line right now, i'm all alone on my path with only my doggie to share precious moments with me. free to do whatever we please...and another year goes by...
and again this year, i'm taking off on another adventure to wherever the wind blows and the weather guides me and besos on another photo journey these next two week, just him and me while i'm on winter break from teaching phtography...no holidays to celebrate, no gifts, no lover to keep me warm, no children, no real family, just a sprinkling of good friends who are off with their significant others and families celebrating (as they should be this time of year)...
each morning i meditate before i start my day...i breathe in, and i breathe out. breathe in, breathe out. breathe in, breathe out...a wise person once reminded me that life is not measured by the breaths that you take, but by the moments that take your breath away...a moment in time can mean a lifetime.
looking into the mirror, you need to be happy with what reflects back. happy with your glow, no matter how bright or dim. happy for all those lines from smiles and frowns, happy with the sparkle in your eyes along with the tears they shed, happy with all the reflections of your life, for better or worse...happy for that special moment in time that makes you feel alive. hoping that with your next breath, the moment will take your breath away...
if someone were to ask me how i am right now, i will say: at this moment in time, my only problem is that i'm still me, but my biggest blessing is that i'm still me...
i am personified by this pier, we are so much alike...seeing myself mirrored in the low tide, i'm a solitary recluse on the beach watching a sunset over the pacific, all alone with just the moment's reflection...yet, something so beautiful comes out of the loneliness and takes my breath away...
when i see my reflection, what makes me happy is the hope of romance i see in my own eyes...wanting to be able to feel with a lover in my life all the words to the romantic quotes and songs i have included in this blog today. i want to see their love in their eyes...
i'm happy with myself, but i want to be happier by being able to share myself with someone who wants to share themselves with me...and although that one moment in time was so beautiful and perfect, i am greedy, i want more moments, and more moments shared...but until then, i will hope, and dream, and sigh, and be happy with my chosen path of solitude, being alone, off on an adventure into the mountains, or the forest, or along a deserted beach in the fog...
this is one of my all-time favorite tunes, i have quite nicely karaoked this song many many times in bars in my past. it's one of those love songs that profoundly resonates with me, one i wish i dearly could also sing to someone one-on-one with my heart fully open, so close as i thought i was maybe...it has such soul, and the lyrics and nothing short of beautiful:
"hanging by a moment" by lifehouse ...(just click on any of words in the blue links to listen to the musical selection)....
"desperate for changing, starving for truth. i'm closer to where i started, chasing after you. i'm falling even more in love with you, letting go of all i've held on to. i'm standing here until you make me move. i'm hanging by a moment here with you...forgetting all i'm lacking, completely incomplete. i'll take your invitation, if you take all of me. now, i'm falling even more in love with you. letting go of all I've held on to. i'm standing here until you make me move. i'm hanging by a moment here with you. i'm living for the only thing i know. i'm running and not quite sure where to go. and i don't know what i'm diving into, just hanging by a moment here with you...there's nothing else to lose; there's nothing else to find; there's nothing in the world that can change my mind; there is nothing else, there is nothing else, there is nothing else...desperate for changing, starving for truth. i'm closer to where i started, chasing after you. i'm falling even more in love with you, letting go of all i've held on to. i'm standing here until you make me move. i'm hanging by a moment here with you. i'm living for the only thing i know. i'm running and not quite sure where to go. and i don't know what i'm diving into, just hanging by a moment here with you. just hanging by a moment, hanging by a moment, hanging by a moment, hanging by a moment here with you" ― lifehouse, hanging by a moment
"when i am with her, i want to feel each moment we have together as if it's simultaneously our last and our first" ― bodhinku, last and first
"it is better to have loved and lost in a moment, than never to have the moment at all" ― bodhinku, the moment
and now here are a few more quotes from bodhinku from past blogs to help add to the deeper meaning of this blog today...
"so what if you do not hear from a lover for a couple days, or even a week? let them be, they are living their life, or they are leaving you. either way, you are powerless to try to change their will. however, you do have the power to let them go and live your own life, live each moment like it is your last. that is your responsibility to yourself" ― bodhinku, so what?
"i know what i want. i badly want the entire fairy tale, like julia roberts in pretty woman desiring to be "cinderf*ckinrella"...no more will i settle for mediocrity, or sacrifice my feelings for broken promises, or compromise for anything less than the extraordinary...i want the complete package: a total happily-ever-after...and in her eyes, i can see hope that maybe i might finally have found a chance to have it all"" ― bodhinku, the entire fairytale
"i opened my eyes for the first time when i looked into her eyes...at that very moment, i was instantly awakened, truly alive to everything i was missing in my life" ― bodhinku, at that very moment
"all you are, is all i need
pictured here is the manhattan beach pier in los angeles county, california on november 17th, 2020 during an ultra-low tide level...the sunset perfectly aligns with the opening at the end of the pier twice a year as the sun travels on its yearly trek to equal sides from the winter solstice (the sun's farthest travels to the south in the northern hemisphere)...and with the low tide, more reflective wet sands are exposed on the beach, and coupled with the setting sun, this creates a glowing light show in a wonderful mirrored wonderland underneath the pier...
often there are clouds or even a heavy marine layer this time of year. for as the land mass cools down with the shorter days, moisture in the form of clouds react to the nearby cool pacific offshore waters. so frequently you cannot even see the sun on these days, and the light show has to wait until the next time...
but when the sun makes an appearance, the showing is nothing short of spectacular...
and when i see something so special, it's instead the picture that captures me, and i unknowingly hold my breath while i capture the moment through my lens. these moments in time literally take my breath away...in this moment's reflection, the mirrored impression of the sun in the wet sand caught my eye, and took my breath away at the same time...
i know i am lucky to witness these things and types of events, but honestly i do not get to see as much as i do without some sort of pre-planning...while this image really is "a moment's reflection", it is not entirely lucky to have taken this picture at the moment i did... i knew this scene would happen given the right conditions, especially during a very low tide. so being in that moment to capture it with my camera is half my planning/knowledge, and half being lucky with mother nature's rewards...and reflecting back on this moment in time, i am really happy to be able to share this picture with so many who would never get to witness such a scene. and in doing so, you can reflect that i actually existed at this time, that i was here at this place, and that i was truly alive in this moment's reflection...
on a sad side note...up until this year, it was not on anybody's radar as an event they must go see...for the past few years, i have kept it hush-hush, hoping the masses of instagram picture seekers did not discover it and flock to overcrowd the scene...but alas, like cockroaches to crumbs, they found it this year and flooded the underside of the pier with cell phone camera flashes, tripods, foot prints, chattering loud voices, noise litter, and commotion...
"i gotta let it all go, let it be, focus instead on moments in nature, and internalize my spiritual connection of the beauty around me, which will refresh me again, enlightening me with the real meaning of my own nature...let these moments soothe me, calm me, and recenter me in peace" ― bodhinku, moments in nature